


Killing Us Slowly

by sryr



Category: Tales of Xillia
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Codependency, Exhibitionism Kink, Incest, M/M, Masturbation, Phone Sex, Praise Kink, Voice Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-27
Updated: 2016-06-27
Packaged: 2018-07-18 11:53:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7314202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sryr/pseuds/sryr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fact his brother was apparently keeping tabs on him to this extent should worry him. Or maybe the fact he wasn't bothered at all was more worrying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Killing Us Slowly

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write something for this pairing for a while because its dynamic is right up my alley, but I hadn't had any ideas until I started replaying TOX2. A few people you talk to mention that Julius had been mostly behind making the GHS how it was and I kept thinking about if he used it to track Ludger too and well...

He can’t help blinking at the supposed name his GHS lists as currently calling him. Given how heavily he’s being tracked—well, the both of them really—it seems strange and almost too risky; but even though Jude looks at him inquisitively, Ludger is already making a vague gesture that he’ll be answering it outside.

“You’re alone now I presume?” Julius’ voice came smooth over the receiver and before responding it takes Ludger a second to realize that he wouldn’t see the nod over the phone. It seems like weeks since he last heard his brother’s voice.

“Good. We still can’t talk long, like this, but I’ll call you again; likely if I’m not busy myself when you reach the next inn.”

The fact it’s cryptic isn’t surprising and while he is sick of having everything questionable his brother’s been doing unravel in front of him, being the person he is, he finds himself quietly acquiescing like he always does. At first, Julius asks a series of yes or no questions that seem normal. Ludger’s supposed to be looking for him, yet by the time they reach the end it becomes clear the call was just a means to check on him.

He’d barely spoken or asked the things he wanted to ask, but with the way he had said they would talk like this again, Ludger wonders if he can next time. Julius has always been secretive, but he was worried too; the fact he hadn’t got ask the same kinds of questions back or better yet what was going on was disheartening to say the least.

“Take care of yourself Ludger.”

The call ends and he forces himself to close his GHS before taking a moment turn it off altogether. It was so short and seemingly pointless, but at the same time, the clandestine message underneath his brother’s words was something he was happy to hear. Julius didn’t say it, but there was just a high likelihood he called to hear Ludger’s voice as well as establish in a maybe dubious way that he knew where he was. He remembers hearing people around Trigelph and the few times he’d dropped by the Spirius Corporation building say things like he developed the GHS and that’s why he’s so familiar with its functions. Considering his brother was the one who gave him it to begin with, he wouldn’t doubt he could track it far easier than anyone at Spirius.

The thought has him stop momentarily as he walks back though as he had also heard that they were having trouble tracking Julius down because of that very same fact. Was calling him a risk in that case? Ludger wasn’t too versed on how things like this worked, but it just made his sentiments stronger if it were true.

When he closes the inn door behind him Jude turns and asks him who called. The doctor’s been kind to him thus far and seemed trustworthy, but there was an element to his relationship to Julius and the call itself that he wanted to keep to himself. He settles himself into bed finally facing him and answering with a quiet voice.

“Wrong number.”

-

He calls again when they arrive back in Aladi Seahaven. They had come back to get Elize and Rowen and he feels a little better about not having to lie to anyone about the call this time. Jude had needed to take care of some things at the lab and Alvin seemed distracted by his own business so they opted to stay behind for the time being. Once he got the call about a fractured dimension, he would call for them, but for now, all he really was doing was trying to deal with his debt.

Well, he would be tomorrow. It was already late when they arrived back and Elle and Elize were asleep. Rowen had mentioned visiting the bar downstairs as he had a few acquaintances in the area and Leia had tagged along to try and get an interview regarding politics. This left Ludger in a comfortable position to answer without worry on who would overhear or potentially ask him questions he both didn’t know the answer to and wouldn’t want to answer.

By this point, he can’t be sure what Julius knows or doesn’t know. It’s likely he knows about Ludger being made to give the disk back as it had been Spirius agents fighting him, but does he know how he’s technically an agent now too?

It leaves him a little uneasy, but in a way if he’s calling he’s glad to see Julius is okay. Something in the back of his mind says he should take these moments of contact with more caution or maybe consider telling someone else, but he can’t bring himself to. No one would understand the true nature of them to begin with.

“Ludger? It seems I caught you at a good time.”

His voice sounds strained and it makes Ludger wonder how injured he really was as the agents made it sound like they just barely were able to obtain the disk. That had been hours ago though hadn’t it?

“I’m truly sorry for all this I never wanted you to know…”

He isn’t sure what Julius is referring to. There are a lot of things he’d learned in the past few hours, but there is so much—far too much—he still doesn’t know. Asking would be pointless as it always is and if his brother hadn’t wanted to share this much than what good would it do to ask further.

“I never wanted to put you in danger. Can you understand and trust that?”

There’s a desperation in Julius’ voice that has Ludger replying instantly, a same urgency filling his rare moments of speech.

“Of course,” he tries to reassure and allows himself to ask at least one worry that had been on his mind, “are you safe though?”

The laugher that answers him is surprising, but refreshing. It’s enough to bring a smile to his face even though he shouldn’t be having this conversation let alone be happy about it.

“You always were a worrywart huh? Everything will be all right,” He responds but there’s a lingering hesitancy to say more. Obviously, it doesn’t quite answer Ludger’s question and there’s plenty that Julius has neglected to share in general, but for now it’s enough. It’s enough to talk to him beyond the brief conversation they shared a week or so ago.

“Should we… not be doing this?” Ludger wonders out loud deciding to voice his earlier concern about people using this to find Julius.

It comes out far too similar to a different concern he once gave towards other things they used to do and it takes even Julius a moment to figure out what he means.

“It should be safe right now. They won’t get me just yet, I promise.”

The separate question of what Julius really did versus what people say he did is on the tip of his tongue as is every other confusing matter, but he bites it back.

“I miss you,” is all he breathes, quiet and scared. He doesn’t regret meeting all these new people he’d like to call friends, but he can’t deny he wishes he could just go back to the days when it was just him and Julius.

It doesn’t even bother him that there’s a perhaps unhealthy codependency he has on his brother; it should and given how careful they’ve had to be before this he should feel ashamed, but Julius has never made him feel anything but safe.

“I miss you too Ludger. I haven’t had one of your tomato omelettes in a long time.”

This is sick. He’s sick, but he can’t help the quiet labored breaths he gives as he strokes himself while his brother talks of simple things. Cooking for him, when they’d watch things together, the few times they went out together.

“Are your sides still as sensitive as they used to be? You’d always squeal when I tickled you, but you made a similar noise when I’d bite your neck too,” Julius’ voice lowers, as he’d been aware from the beginning of Ludger’s movements. He’d long since trained his ears to listen for the slightest changes in his breathing or tone given how little he actually preferred to talk.

A slight shift crackles across the receiver as Ludger presses the GHS against his shoulder and chin bringing another hand to cover his mouth, but the groan caused from Julius’ words slips through anyway.

“I wish I could touch you, but I’d settle for just being able to see you. You always loved giving me a show, didn’t you?”

His noises though muffled now, still manage to be heard, and he’s trying to slow down, but he wants exactly what Julius is saying.

“You’re such a good boy, always eager to please and listen. I want to reward you for it, open you up and make you come again and again.”

Julius had done it before. He could imagine it so clearly despite it feeling like it’d been years since the last time they were together and alone.

“How badly do you want to come for me Ludger?” Julius’ voice also sounds a bit strange and the change makes Ludger wonder if he’s doing the same thing. The thought only made heat pool further and without hesitating Ludger let him know. Repeated over and over, pushed to not only speak, but be louder.

They shouldn’t be doing this. They especially shouldn’t be doing _this_ , but it doesn’t take long for his responses to move into begging and Ludger isn’t sure whether it was just his voice or the sound of him begging Julius seemed to like more; he never had the strength to ask him.

“Come for me Ludger, I want to hear you,” his brother panted over the line and it was clear he was close too.  At his urging it didn’t take long for him to finish and there’s a silent pleasure to be found in hearing Julius follow quickly after. It only invokes a painful longing however as the reality hits him that all he can do is hear, not see or even touch him. That it was unclear when or if they’d ever get to do something like that again.

Nothing but Julius’ breathing comes over the receiver and it’s taking Ludger all he has not to cry.

“I love you, Ludger. Stay safe, I’ll… try to call again,” Julius finally brings himself to say, but hangs up before he can reply. Almost mechanically, he forces himself to sit up more properly and clean up the mess before Rowen turns in for the night.

His dreams are full of Julius, but all he can remember is the one that started this all; his blood staining his brother’s clothes as he lets the other kill him and he wonders if what they have is killing him slowly.

**Author's Note:**

> Also idk if?? Julius liking when Ludger talks or when he drives him to be vocal is a voice kink but it fit well enough \o/?
> 
> That title looks so ridiculous next to all those kink tags i'm sorry.


End file.
